Toxic Relationship Meaning: Signs You’re Not Really in Love

When dating in London you’ll find the topic of what toxicity in a relationship looks like is often discussed, now that people are far more self-aware of what the signs of a toxic relationship look like. They most likely will also be signs you’re not really in love but we can save that for another blog. But to truly understand the toxic relationship meaning we must unpack what exactly it means to be toxic while in a relationship, sadly sometimes we are the toxic ones without even knowing it.

The stereotypical idea of toxic relationships is one that generally looks like unhealthy relationships. Arguing, fighting, making each other jealous and downright miserable would be the obvious red flags. But these are only surface level toxic traits, which although easy to spot, only touch the surface of true toxicity. At our singles events, we often meet people who have come out of a relationship and the overall experience was not a positive one. At our speed dating London events it’s amazing how many times during the 4-minute dates people will mention how they have had a toxic ex in the past. Now as much as we love to boast we have the best speed dating London events even we can’t stop potential toxic people from attending them. So, to help you avoid a potential toxic partner in the future or realise if you have fallen into a toxic relationship, we want to give you 5 things to look out for:

Now although a relationship can only thrive when it involves compromise, we can all admit to being selfish sometimes and wanting our needs met. Relationships need to be give and take and of course there will be times one of you is the priority or needing more attention than the other. But when this is the case all the time this goes far deeper than just being selfish. If your partner only ever wants to talk about themselves and never asks about you or how you’re feeling it shows a clear sign of not only their lack of interest in, you but that they only see themselves as holding value in the relationship.

When we say things, to be more specific we mean the negatives things. For example, constant criticism of those closest to you. We all know the jokes about the mother-in-law. And we’ve all dated someone who has a friend we pretend we like but can’t really stand. But when everyone in your life is spoken about negatively by your partner then this can be a clear sign of toxic behaviour on their part. Not only do they not get on with, or maybe have never even tried to get on with, the people closest to you. But they also want you to know how much they dislike them. This could even manifest itself in them telling you to get away from these people or that they aren’t any good for you. Trying to isolate you from the people closest to you is a dangerous sign of controlling behaviour which is always at the forefront of a toxic relationship.

Abusive relationships have often been defined by physical violence towards a partner. But saying someone isn’t abusive because they have never hit you is really missing the point. We all crave to feel safe with our partners, not on edge or worst case terrified of them. But just because they haven’t threatened you or acted out any violent acts on you, this doesn’t mean they don’t have the ability to make you feel unsafe. Knowing that they could leave you at any time, if this is something they consistently threaten, or that they could hurt you in other ways is just as abusive as them putting their hands on you. It’s your partners job to make you feel safe, never forget that.

This is very common in all abusive relationships and most of the time we don’t even realise we are doing it. If we love someone, we want to see the best in them and often we feel we see a side of them no one else sees. So whenever there is any criticism of them, we feel the need to justify their behaviour and explain that it’s not them. We may even end up blaming ourselves for their behaviour and feel in some way that we caused it. This typically isn’t by accident and is because our partner has planted this seed in our heads, making us believe we are to blame for everything they do wrong. Of course, this is most often untrue but being manipulated into believing this is all part of a much more toxic plan.

Sometimes we must admit that if we are in a toxic relationship the toxic behaviour can be a two-way street. Without intending too, we can easily mirror our partners behaviour and if our partner is toxic to us than we may inadvertently become toxic back. This can manifest itself in a number of ways, be it cheating, lying or being abusive back. We can turn into the worst version of ourselves and not even notice what we’ve become. If you feel you’re generally more angry, more bitter, more anything negative when around your partner than they certainly aren’t the right person for you.

That was all a bit heavy, wasn’t it? So, on a lighter note, hopefully you’ll attend one of our speed dating London over 40 events, meet an amazing (non-toxic) person and want to go out on a date with them. If so then check out our another blog for the perfect first date questions and conversation starters.