How Good Are YOUR Seduction Skills?

Remember flirting? Getting someone's attention with some witty banter? Seducing with a sultry glance, flung over a shoulder? Making eye contact with a stranger on the tube and feeling sparks fly?

If you seriously can't remember the last time you did any of the above, join the club: we've ALL forgotten how to flirt.

Remove the usual social interaction and even the most confident person feels out of practise....and nervous.

Have we still got it? Is chatting someone up like riding a bike? Are people as open to being approached as they used to be?

The good news is, while some things have changed, our thirst for connection has never been higher.

Here's some practical tips on how to get YOUR flirting mojo back in four classic seduction situations.

Used to be, you'd be able to flirt across desks or in the coffee room. In these WFH times (yawn), it's all online and on camera.

If it's a work thing...

Look great - but like you haven't tried at all: Too dressed up looks obvious and desperate - especially if the most effort everyone else has made is to choose a top without food stains. Instead, aim for something you know flatters your best waist-up body parts. A top or jacket that shows off muscular shoulders, a bra that shows off your breasts (without showing cleavage), rings to showcase long, elegant fingers. Keep makeup subtle and use the Zoom beauty filter (set midway not full). Use ring lighting (this goes for blokes as well - no-one can tell and it blasts out those unattractive under eye shadows). Natural light is best but good luck finding that at this time of year! Get the camera angle right: you're looking up not down at the camera.

Have a sense of humour: Nothing's more seductive than someone who makes you laugh. It's work, so you can't be the class the clown, but you can keep things light and cheerful and make the odd joke when appropriate.

Wear something seductive on the bottom half: No-one can see you've teamed that innocent jumper with sexy knickers and high heels/nothing but a pair of Calvins, but it really works to make you ooze sexual energy and confidence.

Find an excuse to keep them online once everyone else leaves the meeting: Say or private messages: "I need to discuss one more thing with you John/Sally that's not really relevant to anyone else. Can you stay on once we finish?". Once it's the two of you, invent a flimsy excuse that's obviously fabricated, then say "OK, so I lied. I fancied a chat just the two of us". Have some banter about your colleagues, ask what they're doing for Christmas, ask a question about something in their background. Offer up your phone number, in case they need to get in touch with you out of work hours. Unless they're completely clueless, they'll get the hint you're interested in being more than just a colleague.

Use their name: "I agree with you Sally", "John's you're absolutely right about that point". Science proves out brain clicks to attention when we hear our name; it's also an ego boost to be personally name-checked, particularly if there's a compliment attached.

Get the eye contact right: Zoom's weird: you're looking straight at the person you can see onscreen but, to them, it looks like you're looking elsewhere. It's all to do with the camera angle. It feels counterintuitive but if you look at the camera, rather than at the person, you'll look directly into their eyes.

Find an excuse to meet up: Again, make an excuse to private message, chat about work stuff for a bit then segue into talking about what you love doing - cooking, eating, walking in the park, watching movies. Ask if they enjoy doing it, too. Even if restrictions are re-introduced, you're likely to be able to meet for a coffee/some mulled wine in the park. You don't need to officially ask them on a date. Think of somewhere central to the two of you and say, "Hey, that reminds me, I'm going to this movie/will be in this part of town on Saturday. If you're around, why don't you come along". This keeps it deliberately vague: it's not clear if it's a just-the-two-of-you thing or if you're inviting other friends as well. Much less cringey if they decline the offer!

If it's just the two of you...

Get dressed on camera: Pretend you're running late and say, "Look away for a sec, I just need to change my top". If you're brave, you'll strip to your underwear/ a bare chest, if you're not, briefly reveal a tight, flattering vest top.

Have something sexy in view in the background. An erotic print or photograph, a book with a provocative title, a nude figurine. Push it up several notches by casually draping lingerie over the back of a chair or sofa

Tilt your head to the side: It's something we do when we're interested in what the other person is saying - and it exposes our neck, a subtle erogenous zone. If you've got long hair, push all of it to one side and hold it there. It makes you look flirtatious but also vulnerable.

Be curious: Most people are flattered if you ask questions about them: we all love talking about ourselves! Start with the usual: where do they live, do they have a pet, how has the pandemic affected them. Then get more daring: how did they cope not being able to date etc? Make up a funny story about accidentally interrupting your flatmate sister having Zoom sex. Blatant, crude sexual come-ons will get you nowhere: mention the word 'sex' in a relatively innocent context and you'll pique their interest classily.

Be playful: Gentle teasing is a great flirting tool. Watch their reaction carefully, though, and know when to pull back if you've crossed the line from cute to annoying.

Be the one to end the conversation so they're left wanting more. Do it before you've naturally come to the end of the chat and doing that awkward "Anyway, it's getting late". Say something funny, "My dog has literally dropped the tin opener in my lap. I think I'd better feed him". Then go. Quickly.

Bite your lip: Do it while making direct eye contact. Biting your lip is something we do unconsciously when we're thinking AND when we're sexually aroused by someone. They don't know for sure which it is, which adds to the sexual tension. Or say, "Don't mind me" and apply some lip balm or gloss, using the screen as a mirror. Pout provocatively.

Schedule the zoom for out of office time: People behave differently at night than they do during the day. Suggest you both nip off to get a glass of wine, once you've been talking a little while, to make it seem like more of a date.

Assuming you're not working at No 1o, you just might sneak one in. Excellent news if it does happen because the combination of being let out to play and too much booze, makes most (single) people open to advances (and, sadly, those who aren't) Use 'we' as soon as you possibly can. 'We're going to get fat if we eat all that, aren't we?. Shall we have another drink?'. Linking the two of you conversationally subliminally plants the idea of linking up in other ways.

Give good face: Popular people tend to have animated faces and make a steady stream of expressions when they're talking or listening. Not only do facial expressions liven up our own stories, they let other people know the effect theirs are having on us. Expressions are infectious: smile and the world really does smile with you!

Breathe. Someone you're attracted to can take your breath away in a literal sense. When we're nervous or excited, often we stop breathing. Robbed of oxygen, you can't think clearly, and your voice comes out high-pitched and strangled. Not the sexiest sound in the world. Take slow, deep breaths and you'll look and feel relaxed.

Don't look away if someone else joins the conversation. Instead, lock eyes with the person you like and keep them there, even when they've finished talking or another person starts. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly. This is something that's simple to do, intensely flattering and if done well, will take their breath away.

Look at their mouth: The more we're attracted to someone, the more time we spend looking at their mouth. We're subconsciously thinking about what it might be like to kiss them (among other things).

Put something in yours: a straw, the end of your glasses, (if you're brave) your finger. Putting any object against our lips makes the person you're talking to imagine kissing you.

There's a group of you, in one room, and you're forced to hang around for at least a few hours: it's the perfect flirting playing field. Even if the shy can usually manage to a bat of the eyelashes in these circumstances.

Mirror their body language: It's the single most effective flirting tool at your disposal. By matching or imitating their movements you're subconsciously telling them you are like them and on the same level. Don't mimic, mirror the mood. They lean forward, you lean forward; they put their hands on the table, you put yours there.

Touch them: The right time to instigate your first touch is in response to something the other person has done or said: if they make you laugh, say something to surprise or delight you, reveal something intimate, or make a point you particularly agree with, that's the time to touch them. Start by touching the back of the hand, the forearm, upper arm or shoulder. If your touch seems welcome, as the night goes on sit close enough for your arms to touch, casually press your thigh against yours, move a foot so it's next to theirs. If they're interested, they'll touch you back within a few minutes. If they're too shy to reciprocate, they'll look visibly disappointed if you create distance.

Record yourself before you go: Next time you have a friend over, record 10 minutes of the conversation (with their permission). Listen back. Do you make sense, talk coherently, give the other person a chance to speak? We all have pet words and phrases we overuse - what are yours? How's the tone and pitch? Adjust as necessary.

Create an instant shared past: Refer back to anything that's already happened between you. Say, you almost spilt a glass of red wine when you were chatting before sitting down. Later, talk about how clumsy you are and say, "John/Sally knows all about that, right John/Sally?" with a conspiratorial grin. The rest of the group wonders, "What happened between those two?" marking them as 'yours'. It makes it look like you have a shared history even though what happened was inconsequential.

Give a compliment that's entirely individual: "You have beautiful eyes" is nice but hardly memorable, "Your eyes are the most vivid shade of blue I've ever seen" is.

Seduce her by lending her your coat or sweater: it's a protective, sexy gesture that says, "I'm committing to hanging around to get that back again". Something that has been close to your skin is now close to hers.

Seduce him through subconscious teases: Cross one arm loosely across your waist and support the elbow of the other arm by cupping it in your hand. Now lift the supported arm until your fingers tough your chest then stroke your collarbone lightly. Maintain eye contact and let your hand rest there when you're finished. This subtly draws attention to your breasts and lets him know you're interested in more without coming on too strong or being blatant.

This demands no-holds barred, more brazen moves. Being at a speed dating or singles party gives you one HUGE advantage. You know everyone there is singles. It's not like going to a bar and trying to guess who might be available.

Everyone is at the event for the same reason. They didn't come to meet new friends or to spend the night talking to theirs. They came just as you did, to meet someone they would like to go on a proper date with.

It's more than acceptable to be forward, not to be confused with pushy, and state your intentions to someone you find attractive. If you're at a singles party, give them the green light to come over: Look directly at the person, smile and turn your body toward them. If someone is doing the same to you - looking at you, facing you and smiling - they're officially open to being approached. Make sure your body language is open. Don't hold your drink or bag high in front of you as a shield, don't cross your arms and stand with legs slightly apart.

Pretend you're talking to your best friend. What would you say if your best friend was the person beside you at the bar? Something like, " How long do you think it's going to be before the barman gets to us?". "How hot is it in here?". " How cool is that person's hair/top/outfit!". People get hung up on thinking the first thing to say needs to be a clever chat up line. Most chat up lines aren't clever and sound cheesy. Say something that feels natural. Asking them if they've ever been to a singles event before or telling them how nervous you are can also be a nice opener.

At speed dating you have four minutes to make an impression. Use those four minutes wisely and if you're interested in the person opposite you let them know. This can be by directly telling them or subtly flirting with them but make sure you leave them in no doubt that you will be ticking yes to them. A lot of times at speed dating if someone thinks the person they've just met isn't interested in them they will end up ticking no to them, even if they want to tick yes.

Make sure you stick around after the speed dating event ends. Four minutes isn't that long and if you've met lots of people during the night it's likely the people you speak to again after the event will be the people you'll likely want to match with.

Lastly, it's ok at a speed dating or singles party to make it clear what's on offer. If you want something casual or more serious don't be afraid to be direct and tell them. No one likes to have their time wasted and your honesty will hopefully be reciprocated.

Although you can contact people after the event through our personal messaging system, we always recommend asking for someone's number there and then. It shows a level of confidence and interest. Then be sure to message by the next day and arrange a proper date.

You should now be ready to flirt, in any situation. If you'd like to put some of your techniques into practise, why not check out one of our events: www.truedating.co.uk/events