We need to "talk" about first dates...

First date questions…ah, that old topic. If you’re ever stuck when it comes to questions to ask on a first date or what to talk about on a first date then we need to stop you right here. You’ve already made the classic pre first date mistake! Because what are first dates supposed to be? Sexy and spontaneous.

And what’s less sexy and spontaneous than having pre planned first date questions or having already decided which questions to ask on a first date. Now that’s not to say first dates aren’t nerve wrecking at times and having an idea of what to talk about on a first date isn’t helpful. But in this blog post we are going to try and help with first date conversation topics so that the conversations flow naturally, and you enjoy the date!

Now to start with, we absolutely do not recommend going into a first date with a pre-planned list of questions to ask, as this will make your date feel like a job interview. And have you ever had a sexy job interview? No, neither have we. Dates are supposed to be fun and flirty. Ideally you want to feel comfortable and relaxed with the person you’re on a date with.

And the absolute antidote to this is peppering your date with interview style questions, where they feel like they’re being put on the spot and made to feel like you’re a performing seal. Rather than think of questions to ask on the first date, why not look at it a different way. What are you looking for in a partner? What are you looking for in a relationship? What kind of person do you actually want to date?

Dating in London has many advantages and one of them is that we have options. So many people to meet, from all walks of life. And things to do and see and try. So, in theory having something to talk about on a first date should be a piece of cake. But this is a date, it’s not you meeting up with a friend or relative and this is a very important point. When on a date you need to treat it as such. This person, who has been lucky enough to get a date with you could potentially be someone you go on many more dates with. Ideally this first date maybe your last ever first date.

So, you want it to go well obviously but you also want to get the most out of it. Conversations don’t have to be deep and meaningful, but they should have a purpose. Be it serious or playful they shouldn’t feel like the conversation you’d have with a work colleague over a coffee break. So, it’s not so much what you talk about but how approach the date in general. Start with a positive mindset and treat it like a first date and you’ll be off to a great start.

What not to talk about on a first date?

Now the list we give here may all sound like obvious topics to avoid but from our research it seems some people just don’t understand social boundaries on a first date. In saying that we must preface with the fact that if two people are comfortable with each other, or extremely open minded and honest, then no topics could be off limits. However, for most people first dates can be quite intimidating and we try to be on our best behaviour. We certainly don’t want to offend our date or put them off and by bringing up certain subjects there is a sure-fire way you might do this.

Sex is off limits (to start with) As the date progresses you may feel incredible chemistry and lust and sex is all you can think about. But ideally this is a topic which is best left alone until you’ve properly got to know each other. Past relationships are likely to come up eventually, but certainly don’t need to be brought up on a first date. There is nothing less sexy than thinking the person you’re on a date with is still hung up over their ex. Your shortcomings or insecurities, now we all have them but you’re trying to “sell” yourself to this prospective new partner and it’s a massive turn off if all they hear are the negatives. Even if you’re not the most naturally confident person or enjoy talking themselves up, at least avoid talking yourself down to start with.

And then there’s politics, religion, the football team you support….all probably best left alone until date 2!

Most important thing on a first date?

The truth is, as much as there are things you most probably should or shouldn’t talk about on a first date. Or things you should or shouldn’t do on a first date. The most important thing on a first date is for you to be mostly yourself. For two main reasons: number one, it’s only when we are truly ourselves that we can feel relaxed and comfortable. Trying to be someone or something you’re not will never work out. You’ll ultimately be miserable living a lie and your date will eventually work it out and likely feel deceived. And secondly, the only way you’ll know if this person is right for you, and you for them is by showing them the authentic you. You want someone to like you, and they can only do this is you show them who you really are.

So, with all this date talk we’ve missed out the most important part, where to actually find a date! Our Singles Events are a great way to meet lots of single people, in a short space of time. Or if you’ve been out of the dating loop for a while, just being around other single people will get you back in the mood to date and show you how many great single are out there, hopefully waiting to meet someone like you!